


When Everyone Who Loves Me Has Died

by Sohotthateveryonedied



Series: Whumptober 2020 [19]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, I'm so proud, LET HARLEY QUINN BE FRIENDS WITH THE BATKIDS!!!!, SHE IS THEIR COOL AUNT AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!!!, Therapy, Tim Drake Gets Therapy, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Tim Drake is Red Robin, anyway tim gets therapy from a reformed supervillain, good Harley quinn, harley is the batfam's personal therapist no i don't accept criticism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:54:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27113611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sohotthateveryonedied/pseuds/Sohotthateveryonedied
Summary: "Everything is as it should be, yet here I am, still feeling like I’m missing something.”“Like what?” Tim can’t remember the last time he saw Harley sit still and listen for so long without getting fidgety. Either she's learning self-control, or Tim's life is just really fucking depressing.“Like...I don’t know.” Tim scratches his thumbnail against some dried paint, unable to feel the chill of the metal through his glove. “Everyone is back, but that doesn’t erase the fact that they were dead. That part still happened, regardless of whether they came back or not. It’s like—like burning a hole in a piece of paper and covering it with tape. It doesn’t heal anything.”
Relationships: Tim Drake & Harley Quinn
Series: Whumptober 2020 [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948297
Comments: 14
Kudos: 313





	When Everyone Who Loves Me Has Died

**Author's Note:**

> Whump Day 19: "Grief"
> 
> Look, I will never stop being obsessed with Harley being a weird aunt to the batkids and knowing all of their identities okay, it needs to happen. (Also this takes place sometime around the end of the Red Robin comics I guess? Who knows anymore.)
> 
> Title is from "Wait for It" from Hamilton!

Whoever came up with the concept of mind over matter should be imprisoned for false advertising. Tim has been trying to get his mind over the matter for months now, and the matters are still very much gripping the steering wheel. If anything, his mind gave in and slid into the passenger seat, going along for the ride.   
  
Tim is sitting on a billboard platform, Lex Luthor’s ginormous bald self providing a nauseating backdrop as he advertises whatever world domination kick he’s on at the moment. Tim watches the cars go by on the highway, utterly indifferent to the tiny speck of a vigilante watching from above.   
  
His cowl is down, but he isn’t worried. It’s unlikely that anyone will be able to spot him up here, civilian or otherwise. Besides, it gets harder and harder to breathe under the weight of the mask these days.   
  
He was supposed to be getting better.   
  
The days are coming in at longer intervals, which should be a relief. Days when he gets “dark and twisty” as Jason lovingly calls it, which isn’t too far off, Tim supposes. Something inside of him is definitely twisted, coiled into a furl of darkness where there used to be light. God, he needs therapy.   
  
He  _ should  _ be getting better.    
  
There is no logical reason to be feeling this way. Not anymore. Not when things are finally back where they should be after years of grief. Maybe something has been knocked loose in his brain, keeps him on this brink he can’t seem to sway to either side of. He’s not happy, but he’s not completely sad either. There’s no logic to it, no reason. No closure.   
  
Is this how ghosts feel? Like they’re straddling the in-between, stuck feeling like everything they have is just slightly out of reach?   
  
“Why the long face, kiddo?”   
  
Tim is up in an instant, fumbling to pull his cowl back over his face. He raises his bo staff at the prowler, only to find Harley standing at the other end of the platform, her arms packed with reusable grocery bags. She’s wearing civilian clothes: a Nightwing tank top and leather pants that look like she doused them in glue and rolled around in a kiddie pool filled with glitter.    
  
Tim relaxes. He lowers his staff. “You shouldn’t do that. I could have knocked your head off.”   
  
“Nah, I’m too good to be taken down by a twelve-year-old.”   
  
“I’m eighteen.”   
  
“You sure? ‘Cause I could have sworn you were still in middle school.”   
  
“Hilarious.”   
  
“Thanks, I’ve been thinkin’ about doing some comedy on the side to pay the bills. Eddie says I’ve got a real knack for it.” Harley sits on the edge of the platform beside the spot where Tim was before. “I asked you a question, by the way.”   
  
“Bruce is going to kill me if he finds out I’m hanging out with you.”   
  
Fine, so that’s a minor exaggeration. Bruce will always have beef with Harley regardless of how many good deeds she does. Dick’s theory is that Bruce has some lingering bitterness from his and Harley’s rivalry from med school, and he probably isn’t too far off. The rest of the family is far looser when it comes to trusting Harley; Alfred even sent her a Hanukkah gift last year.   
  
“You and I both know Brucie is in Metropolis this week.” At Tim’s inquiring look, she explains, “My mom is friends with him on Facebook. So, are you gonna spill or what? ‘Cause I’ve got ice cream here and I swear to god I’ll fill your nostrils with tapioca if it melts.”   
  
Tim rolls his eyes. He lets his cowl fall back against his neck and sits beside Harley. “I’m fine.”   
  
“And that’s why you’re hanging out here all angsty-like?”   
  
“I’m not angsty.”   
  
“You’re the angstiest person on this fuckin’ billboard.” Which, fine, that’s probably true. “I don’t need a PHD to tell that something’s eating ya, kid. Which I do, by the way. Got the certificate and everything.”   
  
Tim gestures to her grocery bags. “I thought you had somewhere to be.”   
  
“What, these ol’ things? Nah. I just have a date with Pam-a-lamb tonight and had to borrow some supplies.”   
  
“Borrow?”   
  
“The manager there was a dick, anyways. He’s the one who got all snappy when I ate all the free samples, so  _ trust me.  _ He deserved to get his stuff stolen.”   
  
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”   
  
“I’ll go back and return the thirty-seven scratch-offs I took if you tell me what’s bothering you.”   
  
Tim looks out over the black horizon, the moon barely visible behind the clouds. “It’s nothing.”   
  
“Everything is something. Gandhi said that.”   
  
“Pretty sure he didn’t.”   
  
“What, did you personally know the guy?” She nudges Tim with her elbow. “Well? Spit it out, Timberlake.”   
  
Tim lets out a breath. “It’s just...you know when you lose something really important to you? And you miss it, but after a while, when you’ve already accepted that you’ll never see it again, you find it? And you’re happy to have it back, but there’s still...something is missing. Almost like you never found it at all, you know?”   
  
“Not really, no.”   
  
Tim’s mouth twitches upward. “I’ve spent the past two years in mourning, but now I don’t have to mourn anymore. Everything is perfect again.”   
  
Harley arches an eyebrow. “Lemme guess, you don’t know why you still feel like you’re grieving?” Tim nods. “Small fry, that’s not a  _ symptom. _ That’s normal for someone in your situation.”   
  
“No, it isn’t. I should be  _ happy  _ right now. I should—I should be the happiest I’ve ever been. I spent so long trying to make everything right again, and I did it. Conner is back. Bart is back. Bruce is back. Everything is as it should be, yet here I am, still feeling like I’m missing something.”   
  
“Like what?” Tim can’t remember the last time he saw Harley sit still and listen for so long without getting fidgety. Either she's learning self-control, or Tim's life is just really fucking depressing.   
  
“Like...I don’t know.” Tim scratches his thumbnail against some dried paint, unable to feel the chill of the metal through his glove. “Everyone is back, but that doesn’t erase the fact that they were dead. That part still happened, regardless of whether they came back or not. It’s like—like burning a hole in a piece of paper and covering it with tape. It doesn’t heal anything.”   
  
“Well, of course it doesn’t.” Tim looks at her, surprised. Harley’s eyes are serious for once, void of humor. “Having all your folks back doesn’t erase the fact that they were gone. Grief is what makes us human. Still feelin’ bad after everything is fixed just means you’re still working on it.”   
  
“That’s it?”   
  
Harley’s eyebrows furrow. “What’s it?”   
  
“I thought you were going to...I don’t know, crack open some huge revelation and make me realize it’s all in my head or something.”   
  
“I mean, it kind of  _ is  _ in your head.” Harley tugs on one pink pigtail. “Grief doesn’t come from your feet, Timantha.”   
  
“So...how do I fix it?”   
  
Harley shrugs, sitting back and swinging her legs in the air. “Fuck if I know. Go see a therapist or something?”   
  
Tim snorts. “I’d rather not.”   
  
“What, you got a prior engagement? Too busy for psychoanalysis?”   
  
“I can’t exactly go to a normal therapist and explain to them that all of my friends are superheroes and my dad is Batman.”   
  
“Hm. Point taken, bird boy.” Harley goes to boop his nose, but Tim swats her away. “Talk to me then. I’m a dandy good listener.”   
  
“Thanks, but I’m good.”   
  
“I’m serious. Got the license to practice and everything.”   
  
“I’m pretty sure psychology licenses expire once you’re imprisoned for terrorism.”   
  
“Well, jeez, go and insult me, why don’tcha? And after I offer my help like the good citizen I am.” She stands, picking up her shopping bag. Then she digs around in her pockets and comes out with a small white card. She hands it to Tim.    
  
_ Harley Quinn — hit(wo)man, psychiatrist, bounty hunter, dog walker, mercenary, finder of lost things, life coach. _   
  
“And that’s just the tip of the iceberg,” she says with a wink. “I’m also considering goin’ into doggie makeovers.”   
  
“I don’t know,” Tim says.    
  
“I won’t go blabbing your information to Croc or no one, cross my heart. I strictly abide by the doctor/patient confidentiality rules.” A pause. “Most of the time.” Then she looks back at the billboard of Lex, looking for the world like a vengeful Mr. Clean god. “I’m sure he won’t tattle.”   
  
“I don’t think the Justice League would think very highly of one of their own getting therapy from an ex-supervillain.”   
  
“So? Fuck them, they’re a bunch of crusty old people anyway. Come on, think about it, Timberly. I’ll even give you the friends and family discount so long as you bring doughnuts when you visit. Teen angst makes me hungry.”   
  
Tim considers it for a moment, then sighs. “I’m free on Thursday afternoons.”   
  
Harley grins. “It’s a date, bird boy.”   
  


**Author's Note:**

> [Feel free to mosey on down to my Tumblr!](http://sohotthateveryonedied.tumblr.com/)


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